Wednesday, March 23, 2011

I Don't Believe

Although I don't really believe in this kind of stuff, my phone has a home page when you pull up the media net, which I guess is the Internet.  And on this home page are several links to different stuff, twitter (which I don't do), news, weather, and horoscope.  Somedays I look at all that stuff, somedays I don't.  Because I was at home with Bailey today and oh so boared, I did! 

This is what my horoscope said:

Leo:  You have crossed a threshold of sorts - there is a place you were in that you are never going to return to again.  This could have been a pleasant place or it could have been an unpleasant  one, but regardless, you should be grateful to be where you are right now.  A new project  or relationship is well on its way to getting started, and there's no need  to be nervous about where it is headed.  Your proactive energy has you in a great position. 


If you know me VERY personally, you know I'm am so so so so so so grateful to be where I am today and that I never have to return to that place that made me not me again.  And a new project or relationship:  I'll take these babies as a new relationship any day.  And they are well on their way to being here.  Nervous?

Who said I am nervous?  I'm scared out of my mind nervous and anxious about these two new relationships.  I'm very sad for the relationship that me, Bailey and Sid have and how the dynamics of that relationship will indeed change when Baby A and Baby B arrive.  We will most defiantly have to all 3 pull together to remember that those early days of nothing but crying, spit up, and sleepless nights don't last forever.  I'm sure that together, the 3 of us will embrace the journey we have been given and take it all in stride, but I'm not even sure nervous and anxious and scared are the right description words to really get my point across as to what I feel. 

I do know that even though I don't necessarily believe in horoscopes, I do believe in the giver of life.  The one who has made me a Mom once and will do it again two more times.  The one will clearly  show me the purpose of these 2 babies. I don't believe it was fate or coincidence that we are having twins on top of a 2 year old when we really  didn't want anymore. 

The Good Lord has brought me safe, to this place, and he won't leave me here to wrestle with feelings.  He'll see us through.  And just like, with His help and the help of the village that got me out of that place, and where I am today, both will see us to where we are all going!

I was just sort of shocked when I read these words today and wanted to share.  And don't get me wrong, I'm not silly enough to believe that through God alone we can sell this house for what we want, and get a new one where we want it, and get a vehicle big enough to haul these babies around in, and a plan for getting 3 small ones to daycare without their mama at home each morning, and how we are going to pay for that daycare in the first place.   But I do know that the Good Lord has given us that village that I speak of.  And that village has never let us down!

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