Dear Mr. Stomach Bug,
I would kindly appreciate it if you would pack your bags and leave my house. You came to visit us over a week ago, causing problems with more than one family member. I can put up with you causing me to feel sick for three days in a row and having a knife-piercing headache. And I can put up with you causing other adult family members to feel the same way, maybe even a little worse. But you have messed with my baby, and for that, I am mad. Don’t you have better things to do, better people to visit? Didn’t your mama ever tell you not to over stay your welcome? Well in case she didn’t, let me be the first to tell you, you have over stayed your welcome in this house!
You see, Mr. Stomach Bug, you have caused my husband and I to enter a phase of parenthood we really had no intentions of entering. You caused even the clearest of liquids to continuously come up, hour after hour after hour. You caused us to have to walk around our own house basically unclothed because we decided that was easier than changing them every ten minutes. You caused this mama to have to give medications in a way that no mama should ever have to give them – putting them in places where medications really don’t belong. And even after this, you continued to cause my sweet girl to dry heave and feel like she was choking. It is not appreciated, Mr. Stomach Bug, not at all.
I don’t really know how you lay your head down and sleep at night. Oh! Wait! That’s right! You don’t lay down and sleep. You continue to cause sweet babies to be sick well into the night time hours and after we thought maybe we had turned the corner. But not with the dry heaving and such. Oh no, Mr. Stomach Bug, you caused smells in our house last night that had us looking for something dead. That’s just wrong. Just plain out wrong! And you should be ashamed of yourself.
Your visit caused my sweet Bailey, who usually plays and talks and sings all day long, to lay around and feel rotten for almost 24 hours. I hope as I am writing this, you are packing your things and moving on. And take your other family members who might be hiding out with you, too! Because when I get home today, Mr. Stomach Bug, I intend to spray all kinds of things that I hope cause you to die a painful and slow death. You have what’s coming to you after hanging around our house for over a week and causing what you caused yesterday and last night. You should be scared, Mr. Stomach Bug, very scared! Because I am done playing.
You might want to pass this word on to your cousins, you know, the one’s who like to hang out and cause ear infections, and runny noses, and temperatures, and coughs, and breathing problems. We are done playing around with you all. And we are moving on. We have Spring Break coming up and we intend to enjoy ourselves. Not run from doctor to doctor to doctor and be sick. Do you understand this? Because if not, I’m sure I can find another way to say it. When I get home this afternoon, I expect you to be gone and there be not a trace of you left anywhere. For whatever of you that is left will be done away with!
You disgust us, Mr. Stomach Bug, and we hope you never knock on our door again!